Wednesday, January 10, 2007

dinosaur extinction

This just in folks, I have been informed by an industry expert that all big trucks will be running on biodiesel fuel by January 10, 2009. You can mark that on your calendars.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

This song should be outlawed

I hate this song! It's a deceptively adorable song, originally intended to torture people with it's catchiness. The next time I hear someone at my work humming it, I am going to beat them up.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Celebrity Name Match

As a girl who shares a last name with some very accomplished siblings, I've always had a special sympathy for people who have the same name as a well known person. Like the character named Michael Bolton in Office Space.

That's why I feel so terrible for what I did to Richard Scott. Richard Scott is a prominent leader in the LDS church, but he's also a guy who used to be in my ward. Actually, the guy who was in my ward went by Rich, probably to avoid the inevitable onslaught of comments about the general authority, which he probably gets all the time. Anyway, for awhile I was in charge of going to ward council meetings to type up the program for Sacrament meeting. Some of the people there thought it would be real funny to put "not the general authority" in parentheses next to Richard Scott's name on the program. I didn't think it was very funny, but I was ready to move on to the next joke so I typed it in with the intention of discretely taking it out later. But sometimes people forget. Poor Richard Scott! He was visibly annoyed by the several people who nudged him and pointed to his name on the program. I don't know if I was more mortified for him or for me.

But I guess if you're going to have the same name as someone else, Richard Scott isn't so bad. Answering phones all day, I've taken calls from John Adams, Tom Petty, and most unfortunate of all, Richard Simmons. How terrible would that be?

Monday, October 23, 2006

Mad as a March Hare

There's a man and his name is the Mad Hatter. He earned that nickname because his speech is quick, high pitched and silly. And most of the time when he says something it doesn't make any sense. One time the Mad Hatter visited my house and he thought my friend Sayaka was my daughter, which is crazy because Sayaka is my age and she looks Japanese.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Pomp and Circumstance

Last month I graduated from college. About every person I've met in my entire life has asked me what I'm going to do now. Of course most people are well-meaning, but you should avoid asking such questions unless you intend to offer some valuable, life-changing insight or suggestion. Fortunately, some of my friends and family members have suggested a few fitting career options. They've also been kind enough to suggest how I should pursue a career.

-Recluse writer- To be a recluse writer you'd have to marry a mountainman who could build you a cabin and shoot bears (for the bearskin rug). So I'd have to make apple pies and egg nog to feed my mountainman husband, but then I could use the rest of my time to write books.

-IRA arms smuggler- Unfortunately, I'm not Irish, but one of my Irish friend's has family connections and I have a political science degree.

-Pirate captain- recruit wenchmen from the harbors of the Great Salt Lake.

-Vice-President of the United States/World- the future president of the World has already picked me to be vice-president. Just have to wait a few years.

-Rock star- play bass in my older brother's band.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Nerds Across America

We were running from the law. The six hour stretch of road between Provo and Boise looks a lot like Africa:

But the road stopped stretching when a wrench punctured Logan's tire.

Few things are more manly than changing a flat tire.

When the road of life stops stretching, some of us are more visionary than the rest.

We hitchiked the rest of the way.

Thursday, May 18, 2006


My Mom knows a freegan. He's a regular at her work. Most freegans refuse to participate in the money system because they believe that capitalism is immoral. This particular freegan is very unusual. He believes that the American currency system became corrupted when we got off the gold standard. One time my Mom offered him a piece of candy from the treat bowl and he emptied the entire treat bowl into his bag. Freegans can do that.